…and I feel better
Thursday December 31st 2020, 18:27
Filed under: Retrospectives

At 6 PM I’m already hearing fireworks though it’s still early and I’m trying to reflect about this year which was probably best year for me so far.

Found friends, got my own domain, started to fight my fears and I grew a lot. Feels real good man. First time I felt peace with myself – a lot of things didn’t let me to feel good are gone now. I won’t go back to these things since 2019 was for figuring out things and starting to heal.

Everytime when I try to write something it turns weird for my liking, but now it comes a bit easier for me. I still have dumb fears and things holding me back but they are thing I can beat and grow even more.

I don’t think this retrospective will be long this year, because first 6 months of 2020 were pretty unremarkable for me. I didn’t do what I wanted, was stuck with people who didn’t appreciate I did, still clinged to people who turned out to be fake friends and in general I choosen to be miserable a lot.

Then Juny came and I felt urge to check Neocities back, since this utterly broken site still was nostalgic for me. Spent a huge chunk of 2017 and 2018 building not really good sites and being around various related Discords. It got me actually curious to see if site is still kicking, but it went even worse when I came back.

Things started to change a lot. Starting with emails with mari, later hanging around Somnol’s IRC room lead to point where I’m now. Own domain, site is still up and I show things that I do and I have fun. A lot changes since 2018, when I still was deleting my site every two weeks and vanishing, when I still was scared to show what I create.

I started to draw more than I used to. Started to build even better sites than I did before. I even started to write a bit.

Things definitely got more clear and are going in right direction. Even if people think 2020 was shit, this year treated me really good. I’m feeling that 2021 will be good too. I already have some things planned, both for site and for this blog. Lot of ideas that need to be realized.

Huge thanks to lads at Somnol. I wouldn’t be here if not you.

Happy New Year and I hope it will be a great year for all of us.

2 Comments so far
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Glad to hear it, it’s been good to have you around, man >>:3c
Was the right decision to invite you into our goofy little server, you fit right in

Comment by caby 12.31.20 @ 18:46

Writing only gets easier the more you realize how you want it to sound, really. Take a look at things you wrote and see which parts make you embarrassed the most and which parts you like the best and follow that. Happened mostly on accident for me, but it’s well worth it. Can always give you feedback too if you’d like.

Definitely a huge difference from where you were in 2018. Less complaining, less disappearing, both very much appreciated. Always gonna be issues and little things to complain about and be worried about, but as long as you’re taken care of and you’ve got good friends, you’ve got a good foundation to build on.

2021 is gonna kick ass, that’s all I know.

Comment by Cammy 12.31.20 @ 19:04

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